Wetherspoons Flatbread & Dips

Wetherspoons have a new starter on the menu (at least, I'd never noticed it before). It consists of two flatbreads, each cut in half, and little pots of roasted veggies, tzatziki, red pepper tapenade, and houmous.   It's £4.10, and similar to their roasted vegetable flatbread, which consists of the flatbread with houmous and roasted vegetables in it, which is suitable for vegans.  So, I wrote to them, and asked if the flatbread and dips were too.

There you go, everything except the tzatziki.  It's good for sharing.  I asked them not to bring the tzatziki out, and gave Anthony two of the flatbread halves, so he could have a chip butty.  I quite liked having extra houmous, and slightly less veggies, as well as the tapenade, because I still have issues with veggies.  I'm so much better than I used to be, but not yet at the point where I'd pick them over a slice of bread and v. margarine (or, indeed, warm flatbread and houmous).  It'd be a nice shared starter if you were with a group of non-veggies - just avoid the yoghurt.

I like Wetherspoons because it's a high street pub chain.  It's reasonably priced, and it's not 'special'.  It's not vegan, people don't give it funny looks when they walk past, and I can go there with a group of omnivores.  Plus, there's one pretty much everywhere, so if I'm in another city, I know I have options.  Its sheer British mundanity and comfort is exactly what I like about it.

Off the top of my head, there are three options for vegans, including the two above (though the website says these are "selected pubs only".  The third option is the sweet potato and chickpea curry without naan bread, which I generally go for, especially on a Thursday, when the price is a lot more reasonable (£5.99, with a drink, as opposed to £7-8 otherwise).

Looking at the menu (all vegan options here), there are a few other options, mostly chips, salad, and the baked potatoes.  I try to never actually order chips and salad when I'm out, simply because they tend to be a compromise when no vegan options are available, and the ones I make at home taste better anyway.  I'm a poor student; if I'm buying prepared food, it had better be nicer than what I can make myself, for less money, am I right?

Drag Me To Hell

This is something I've been wanting to do for a while now - discuss veg*n people and characters in the media.  And not just because it gives me the chance to talk about films and books, either.

This post will contain some spoilers for Drag Me to Hell.

No one here who doesn't want to be?  Good.

Drag Me to Hell focuses on Christine Brown, an ex-farmgirl who moved to the city, lost weight, changed her accent, and, in short, totally disassociated herself with her former 'Pork Queen' identity.   Here, have a look at the trailer.

The film has something of an oral fixation, and there are fan theories that the character is bulimic or anorexic, based on several points; the aforementioned oral fixation of the film, the lingering shots on food which Christine never eats, her claim of being lactose-intolerant while suffering no ill effects from eating ice cream, and so on.

Pictured: Oral Fixation.  Image taken from here - take a look, it's a very good review.

Christine is also a vegetarian, and I don't believe that this is purely to disassociate herself from her former identity, or to keep from eating fatty foods.  The character is, generally, very soft-hearted, and it's possible that, away from the farm, which presumably had a big meat-eating culture - since, after all, she did literally win 'Pork Queen' - she felt able to stop eating cute animals. 

Much like Elle Woods of Legally Blonde - who introduces herself and Bruiser, her dog, as "Gemini vegetarians" - Christine is a nice girl.  She's kind-hearted, and the heroine.  There's a certain image that the film is going for, regarding her character, and I think 'vegetarian' is used as shorthand for this, a little bit of detail that tells us that this character has a soft side.  Note also Slap Her, She's French, in which the main character, after losing her Libby status, also outs herself as a vegetarian, a bit of trivia that seems to confirm her new-found kind manner.

My impression of Christine is that she doesn't like to make waves, which is why I suspect that she only stopped eating meat after leaving home.  I also think that her vegetarianism is coloured by this character trait.  She's soft-hearted, and doesn't want to eat cute animals, so she doesn't - but being a vegan is too weird, too unusual.  Vegans are an entirely different stereotype - a more militant, more hippy-like creature.  At least, that's the impression I get.

Christine also has a small cute pet, like Elle's - a kitten.  It seems to be another aspect of the same kind of characterisation.

On a side note, it seems odd to me that a vegetarian would keep a carnivorous pet.

In the film, Christine sacrifices her kitten.  She is also part of a ceremony in which a goat is to be sacrificed, both due to the lamiae's torment.  What do other veg*ns think of this, the idea of a vegetarian being put into a position where she must choose between eternal torment and killing an animal?

On the one hand, why should a goat or a kitten be sacrificed for Christine?  That said, she is going to hell, to eternal torment, if she doesn't.  Is the kitten going to be tormented, to take her place, or will it have a different afterlife?  If the kitten is going to eternal torment, well, why should it go instead of her (if it isn't, then, mathematically speaking, one creature in a natural afterlife is way better than another in eternal torment)?  Kitty didn't do anything, unlike that asshole Stu, or Mrs Disproportionate Retribution Ganush.  Or even that dick, Rham Jas.  If San Dena had been eagerly waiting for the chance to defeat the Lamiae - as she tells Christine when she meets her - why did she require ten thousand dollars, in advance?  My theory; Jas kept it for himself.  He also put Christine in danger by telling her only one option at a time, and not helping her nearly as much as he could have, considering he knew she was going to be dragged to hell in three days.  If he'd been given the button, he'd have had a better chance of getting out of the curse than Christine (or the poor kitty) had.

So, what do you all think? Is 'vegetarian' an easy code word for a certain kind of character? Is Christine bulimic? How should she have dealt with the curse? What happened to the kitty?

Graze

This is the Graze box I bought myself after walking that marathon.  I deserved it.

This was also my first Graze box without chocolate in it, which was a tad disappointing.  I got Desert Island Nuts, Italian Stallion, Pitted Kalamata Olives with Herbs (purely functional title, that one), and Fiery Seeds.

I'm going to go ahead and copy my Graze intro from a previous post.  You can skip this bit, if you like.

To recap; Graze is a (British) company, who will send you a box of four healthy snacks, for £3.49.  The kinds of snacks you can choose are listed on the website, and you can rate each snack with 'bin' (never send), 'try', 'like', or 'love'.  You can also set your account to send boxes every week or every fortnight, and to send you either a majority of things to try, or a majority of things you like or love.  Mine is set to 'try', in my ongoing attempt to be less fussy (I ate salad today!  It used to make me gag - today, it was delicious!  Progress!).  You can also choose to bin all non-vegan items, all non-coeliac items, and anything containing milk or dairy.  Or all three.  Everything is vegetarian.

If you click on that icon to the right, or in my sidebar, you can get your first box free, and your second half price (normally, just your first is half price). Or, you can get that same deal by entering the code 14Y9DGY.  If you do, I should point out that my account gets credited with a pound, which I can give to charity or put towards a box.  It's a nice bonus, but seriously, it's a great deal, use any code you can get your hands on, anyone with an account can give you one.

I like to write these posts, describing what I got, for a couple of reasons.  Firstly, it makes the boxes feel even more special.  There's nothing not awesome about getting a box of snacks through the post, all wrapped up, ready to surprise you.  It's better than Christmas, because they never, not even once, include socks.  Also, I have a goal of trying every vegan item they sell, and it just feels right to jot down my feelings on each one.  It's like part of the goal.  Finally, I figure someone else out there has yet to try goji berries, or mulberries, or physalis, and might be curious about the taste.

Speaking of physalis (try not to say 'syphilis', like I did earlier, that's a completely different thing), they're very sour.  They taste quite a lot like some kind of mix of lemon juice and cranberry juice.  I found them a bit strong, to be honest, and I like lemons.  Those were in the Italian Stallion, which also came with green raisins, cranberries, and blueberries.  I had never seen green raisins before.  I didn't even know they were a thing!  I guess they're green grapes raisinified, rather than red ones. 

Dried cranberries I have tasted before, and like.  A lot.  I've never had dried blueberries, but I've had fresh ones, and those are good too.  The physalis is also in Mayan Mocha, which isn't vegan.

I'm not the biggest fan of coconut, but I did like Desert Island Nuts, too.  That's dried coconut, almonds, and brazil nuts.  The coconut had an unfamiliar texture, and I think I prefer it non-dried, if I'm going to eat it at all.  I do like almonds, but I prefer them chocolate coated (they taste like heaven!).  And brazil nuts are always nice, but not really special.  It was a great combination, but, that said, I don't think I'll ask for it again.

(It does feel so mean to click 'bin' on a snack that's perfectly fine and edible, just not totally to your taste.  We need another option, like "I'll eat it if someone else offers me some", or "well, it's not my favourite".)

I took the Fiery Seeds to work with me, and had them with my lunch (another stacked sandwich, complete with classical music - Wagner, this time, on Anthony's recommendation). They were yummy; slightly hot, but not too much.

The Pitted Kalamata Olives with Herbs, I had some trouble with.  Olives are a food I've had little exposure too, and, at the moment, they're a taste I've yet to acquire.  I used to be like that with tomatoes too, so I'm sure I'll get to like them eventually, or at least find them edible.  I've left them on 'try', so I can keep exposing myself to them.

That little skewer is adorable.

This batch I ate with warm crusty bread.  I had to actively try to eat them, but they slipped down easily enough.  I used to be like this with tomatoes.  I still remember when a tiny little pea or carrot would make me gag. 

Being fussy is terrible.  You can't tell when you're in it - it's normal, then - but once you stop, you realise how much you were missing out on.  More than anything, I regret not tackling my fussiness until I went vegan.  Think of all those foods I never tried when I had the chance!  Of course, now I've admitted to myself that I think eating animal products is wrong, and I can't do it any more, I can't do it any more.  I can't unthink that, or unknow it, and I wouldn't want to.  But, damn, all those times I could have gone anywhere, and ordered anything, and I just got the same old thing, with half the ingredients scraped off or avoided!  What was I thinking?!

Ideas about Veganism

I've been vegan before, though my love of a real burger and lack of finding a good veggie burger caused me to stop, its always been a neat challenge. What I don't understand though, is how healthy it is to eat all the processed soy products? Is it really so terrible to eat meat that you'll eat imitation meat? Same with all the vegan frozen meals, all processed. I'd be interested to hear vegans views! Please note: I'm honestly curious so there's no need to get defensive or be rude or tell me what I eat is wrong. I welcome all your input! :)

I came across this on a forum, and it's an interesting and common misconception.

As you've probably gathered, if you've taken a look through this blog, I don't really at anything she mentions.  I do sometimes use tofu - like, once every two months? - but I can never get through a block of it, and I do drink soya milk for the protein.  That's it, that's the limit of my processed soy.

As for imitation meat...well, I was going to say that I don't eat it, but I guess seitan counts.  I don't buy pre-made imitation meats, or meat mixes, and my mind doesn't instantly link seitan with imitation meat.  Seitan is its own kind of food - a tasty, tasty, protein source.

Same with ready meals.  I don't eat them.  I do my own cooking.

If you did try to replicate a standard western diet, using vegan equivalents, you'd be dissatisfied.  It would be expensive, and it would be a poor imitation.  While vegan diets often do use flavours and textures from omnivorous diets - again, the meaty texture and flavours of seitan - I find it naturally evolves into its own kind of thing.

I try to avoid straight veganising recipes, particularly cakes and other baked goods, and avoid things like commercial egg replacers.  I find that recipes that are designed to be vegan are often better than those which try to be omnivorous, but replace animal products with fakes.

One thing that really gets on my tits is the way that 'try commercial fake meats' often sneaks onto lists of tips for new vegetarians.  Now, I admit, I ate a lot of quorn at first, and it worked for me.  I transitioned into making my own seitan when I went vegan.  I can't remember why it originally occurred to me to make seitan (or how I found that first recipe, since I'd never heard of it before last year), but I'm glad I went that route rather than the fake meat route.  It's cheaper, for a start.

In Oprah's recent experiment in veganism, I gather that they simply replicated a standard American diet using commercial fake meats and cheeses.  There's an article on Oprah's experiment on Wicked Good Dinner, and while I agree with most of it, I do need to call out another common idea which bugs me (particularly when omnivores bring it up, as if it will score a point, but that's an entirely different topic).

I always thought veganism was based on a health and/or moral decision to avoid animal products. Eating foods pressed into shapes of animal products or made to mimic animal products, which is what Kathy was promoting, seems to negate the purpose of becoming vegan.

I fall into the moral decision category, and, to me, eating seitan which is designed to play the role traditionally taken by meat in my diet does not negate the purpose at all.  I stopped eating animal products because I think the way animals are treated is wrong.  As long as I don't eat any animal products, I'm good.  The only thing I could do, apart from that, to negate my purpose would be to buy new leather, wool, suede, or silk products.

For those who make the decision for health reasons, I would, again, disagree, with homemade seitan in mind.  It's about as bad for you as homemade bread.  I know there is debate about the gluten, but I'm neither gluten-free, nor a raw foodist, though I do avoid processed foods.  I am also, happily, not allergic to any of the ingredients.  Seitan is well within my self-defined dietary requirements (minimal processing, homemade with natural ingredients, animal-free).  However, if I consider commerical fake meats, then I agree.  Heavily processed foods set off my "should I put that in my body?" triggers, so, yes, if I'd become a vegan for health reasons, I'd be avoiding those (I do anyway).

(I've italiced 'my' a few times to drive home the point that I am purely speaking for myself, and my diet and choices, not all vegans.)

Anyway, short version is, I disagree that commercial fake meats defeat the purpose of a vegan diet for those who became vegan for moral reasons.  However, Oprah was, I believe, promoting health reasons, so yes, I guess it was hypocritical, though not for the reason stated.  Plus, I have a feeling it directly lead to that question at the top of the page, pushing that idea out to omnivores that a vegan diet has to include this stuff, or that those products are the things vegans normally eat.  There's a very good discussion on the topic here.

In summary; a vegan diet is not a poor imitation of an omnivorous diet.  It doesn't have to be expensive or heavily processed.  And it's really, surprisingly, fun, to come up with creative ways around the restrictions placed on vegan cooking.

Hiatus

I can't write right now.  One of my friends died on the 5th of this month, and I just found out.

I'm an atheist, but I hope I'm wrong.  I hope he's happy, and that I'll see him again someday.

Goodnight, Rob.

Squirtle used Storm of Links!

These are all the news articles that I found interesting, but not quite interesting enough to write a unique post about.

Krav Stuff

An article on FitSugar proposes Krav Maga as a workout class.  While the article does stress the self-defence elements, my instructors have been disappointed by women who treat Krav Maga as a boxercise class, and don't take the self-defence elements seriously.  That said, self-defence becoming more of an option for women is always a good thing, even if the thought of burning of three to four hundred calories per hour is at the forefront of your mind.

There's also a much longer, more thorough article on Krav Maga on the CourierPostOnline.  It contains a lot of good information about the defence system, and I intend to add the link to my 'Krav?' page.  For information on Krav Maga from a female perspective, check out Krav Lady's Blog, where she writes about the subject far more thoroughly than I do.

Animal Rights Stuff

There's an article here by Kevin Horrigan, discussing the proposal by the editors of the Journal of Animal Ethics, that we should rephrase how we discuss other species.  I don't entirely agree with their choices, but I feel that Horrigan's decision to make fun of the idea without actually considering it is disappointing.  To be honest, as I've said before, I find the entire concept that we can 'own' other animals, and that this is perfectly normal and right, very, very strange.  However, I don't think that simply refusing to refer to the 'owned' creatures as 'pets' is actually effective or sensible.  I think it's a complicated issue, and one that, perhaps, should not be much of a priority right now, as it distracts from other issues.

Speaking of words, I found a piece on NewJersey.com discussing 'flexitarians', "vegetarians who sometimes eat meat".  I'm sorry, but no; that's an omnivore.  When discussing diet, it's important to use words accurately, to describe what you will or will not eat, otherwise everyone gets confused.  Sierra Shafer, the "flexitarian" mentioned in the article says "I’m more sensitive to the idea of eating flesh.  Whenever I do eat meat, I tend to have a moment of gratitude and connection."

I really disagree that this makes it okay.  I'm a vegan because I don't believe we have the right to enslave or kill other animals.  Only doing so occasionally and being 'grateful' for it doesn't make a huge difference, in my honest opinion.  And I've written here about the fallacy of sustainable meat - namely that it's only sustainable for small amounts.  Of course, Shafer clearly doesn't share this viewpoint, so, by her standards, it is not morally wrong for her to eat meat.  And, as other people in the article mention, if someone finds it difficult to go vegan or vegetarian, then being flexitarian or weekday vegetarian is another option, a way of cutting down meat intake in a way that's less scary.  It worked as a doorway for me, and I can see it working for other people.  I just don't understand people who set flexitarian as their goal, and don't want to go further, or don't understand why they would want to.  But I'm starting to sound evangelical, so I'll leave that one.  I will mentioned that Graham Hill, who originally introduced me to the idea that I could go vegan step by tiny step, has released a book on Weekday Vegetarianism.


KFC's DoubleDown (a 'sandwich' which consists of cheese, mayonnaise, and bacon, pressed between two slabs of chicken) has also drawn attention to the care of the chickens used.

Ugh, look at the grease.  Picture taken from the Daily Mail.  Incidentally, this is not the unhealthiest thing you can purchase from KFC.  Not kidding.

On the topic of animal rights, PETA has attempted to buy advertising space in schools.  The article focuses on one school who have refused the other, but also mentions that PETA has extended the offer to other schools in the country.   Now, if a school does not allow advertising at all, I have no problem with them refusing PETA's adverts.  If, however, they're allowing soft drink, fast food, and confectionery companies to advertise or sell their products within schools, then I'm mildly disgusted.  PETA don't have the best reputation, and, admittedly, their idea here, to teach the kids that they can learn other than by dissection is embarrassingly out-of-date, since I gather most schools offer an alternative now.  But, though their message about animal rights is less socially acceptable, it's certainly not as bad as encouraging school children to eat fast food and drink sugary sodas more than they already do.

Veg*n Stuff 

On a more cheerful note, vegetarian-only school, SOAR, in Denver, Colorado, is attempting to raise a nation of healthy eaters.  All school-provided meals are plant-based (a less controversial term than 'vegetarian'), with 80% of students choosing to take the school meal provided rather than bring their own.  Snacks are fruits and vegetables.  Go take a read, it's a really uplifting article.  Unfortunately, this article from British newspaper, the Daily Mail, states that Americans are buying more meat than ever.  

Speaking of food, an interesting new site has popped up; Vegan Black Metal Chef.  Reminds me of the Steve Hughes joke - "we're going to raise the devil, but first, nibbles" (funnier in context).  To be quite honest, he writes like a teenage boy who has just realised he is the only saviour of the world (that is, the way all nineteen-year-olds write; I'm sure I have some of that earnestness too, at twenty-two), but that's not a bad thing.  And I like that none of the vegans I know of are stereotypical hippies.

Earlier this week, I found a veg*n porn site.  I also read about a Sexiest Vegetarian Competition in Southern California.  To be honest, I have never been attracted to someone, or found them sexier, because of their diet, but, at least people are celebrating plant-based diets?  Huh.  Whatever works for you, I guess.  PETA has also blogged about the many vegetarian ladies on AskMen's Top 99 Most Desirable Women list.

To be quite honest, while veg*ns do tend to be healthier, in my experience, than omnivores, if I'm merely appreciating the aesthetics, as it were, then I'm not terribly concerned with how they got there.  It's more important if you're planning a relationship with someone, but it's obviously not a dealbreaker in my case.  And relationships are not, honestly, at the forefront of my mind when I am watching porn.

Glee Stuff

Finally, Glee's Dianna Agron (Quinn Fabray) and Jenna Ushkowitz (Tina Cohen-Chang) are vegetarian while Lea Michele (Rachel Berry) is vegan.  That may not be news, as such, but I didn't know it about the first two.

I'mma go ahead and hijack the end of this post for my thoughts on the Rachel-Quinn-Finn triangle.  There's nothing except Glee beyond this point, so feel free to skip it.  I should mention that I've seen every episode up to and including Born This Way (UK is on a two-week delay), so I'm going to mention things from those episodes.

Photo owned by GQ Magazine.

Firstly, I'm fondest of Rachel, so this post is going to be biased in her favour.  I want her to be happy.  Sorry, I'm not sorry.

Rachel is self-absorbed, and, yes, she is irritating, but she has a kind heart.  She's wildly ambitious - it's more important for her to be a star than to be liked - but she doesn't actively trample people in this ambition (much.  She did send Sunshine to a crackhouse, though).  I do believe that she'll achieve her dream of being a star in future; the actress herself is a Broadway star, so Rachel has the talent, and she certainly has the dedication.  She's also honest; when she tried to cheat on Finn with Puck, she told him right away.

Quinn, on the other hand, is mean.  She despises who she used to be (Lucy Caboosey), and is terrified of going back there.  This makes her cruel, especially when she feels threatened - ie, to Rachel, when she suspects that her prize, Finn, would rather have her, or to Lauren, when Lauren runs against her for Prom Queen.  Quinn is not afraid of lying to get what she wants; she lied to Finn about Puck for months.  She also insisted that Finn pay for the doctor's bills, all the while calling him stupid, and generally insulting him.

Quinn described her own future; she'll graduate, marry someone steady, and have a few more children.  I'm not sure of her judgement here; I can see Quinn attending college, coming to terms with her insecurity and becoming nicer, stepping out from under her parents thumb, and, generally, becoming an interesting adult.  She's described as being a straight A student, so she's not stupid.

Finn is a nice guy.  The general impression that I have of him is his being easy-going, and just going with things.  When I think about it, though, that's unfair.  He has his moments, of trying to lead the Glee club, and make things work (though he also has his moments of wimping out).  He stood up to Rachel when she asked him to quit the football team due to her insecurities.

Finn's on the mid spectrum of honesty; he was wary of cheating on Quinn with Rachel, but he had no problem with helping Quinn to cheat on Sam.

Quinn described his future, too.  He'll grow up, inherit Burt's store, get married, and, generally, be a Lima Loser.  If that's the case, he'll drag Rachel down.  I can see that happening, and that's what Quinn hopes for.  I can also see him pushing Rachel and supporting her dreams, or, perhaps, becoming a football player or a businessman.

Rachel loves Finn.  It's more debatable whether or not Quinn does.  She cheated on him once, with Puck, and then cheated on Sam with him.  Quinn needs a boyfriend on the football team to be her Prom King, although, that does beg the question, why trade Sam for Finn?  She and Finn both talked about fireworks when they kissed, but would she care so much about those if Finn wasn't the Quarterback?

Finn broke up with Rachel after she attempted to lose her virginity with Puck, after finding out that he lost his to Santana.  He was very unsupportive of her in that episode, pointing out that she seemed to be mostly upset about the fact that it was with Santana.  Well, of course she was, Santana is the one who calls Rachel 'munchkin', and makes fun of her constantly.  He told her he couldn't forgive her for the fact that it was Puck, that she knew that this would hurt him most after what Quinn did.  He then got back together with Quinn.

Perhaps he loves Rachel more, and that's why he couldn't forgive her.  Perhaps he loves Quinn more, and that's why he could forgive her.  Perhaps he's quite fond of both of them, attracted to both of them, and always prefers the one who isn't his girlfriend.

That said, when Finn was with Rachel he spent relatively little time with Quinn, compared to the time he spends with Rachel when he and Quinn are together.  He was also never tempted by Quinn when he and Rachel were together, while he nearly made out with Rachel the first time he and Quinn were together.

I could easily argue for both Finchel and F'Qinn here.  The one point I can't get over is the fact that he found 'fireworks' with Quinn, and none with Rachel.  Does that mean anything, in universe?  Does it imply a lack of spark in his and Rachel's relationship that would doom them long term?  Or was it just random teenage hormones that won't matter in the long run?  Was he lying to her?  I couldn't say.

If you go right back to the first season, Rachel fell for Finn when she heard him sing, during Don't Stop Believing.  Finn grew attracted to Rachel as he watched her perform - in Vitamin D, he mentions that she can really sing, and has a hot body.  From the future Quinn predicted though, with her as a real estate agent, and him inheriting Burt's store, as mentioned above, she wants a different part of him.  They're attracted to different strengths.  That said, Rachel is attracted to his security as well, and she becomes nervous when he shows his strength - ie, when she asks him to quit playing football.  Quinn, on the other hand, needs him to be a football player.  Rachel decides that she'll accept him as he is.  Quinn doesn't express an interest in him till he's back on the football team.

In short, I guess I'm in favour of Finchel as long as he makes her happy, and doesn't hold her back.  After all, the first thing she said to him on screen was "you better shape up".  To her heart, she must be true.  On the other hand, if he isn't right for her, Quinn can have him.

Of course, all this is a moot point.  The characters graduate soon; they'll be cast out into the world to make their own way.  They don't have to stay with who they loved at sixteen or seventeen.  Really, it's probably better if they don't.

The Hot Mess

I've called this cake The Hot Mess, because, honestly, my first attempt was not the most beautiful thing.  But it tasted so incredible that I just had to share it, right now, without waiting for pictures of another attempt.

See how gooey that is?!

This is a soft, moist, dense chocolate cake, with a syrupy chocolate glaze, and heavenly light, fluffy, creamy icing in the middle.  The cake itself is based on this one, which I also used for the Kiss Me With Tongues Chocolate Roulade.  I also used the glaze given in that recipe.  The icing is a veganised version of this one.

Make the cake first.

Ingredients

• 1 and 1/4 Cups of Plain Flour
• 1 Cup of Sugar
• 1/3 Cup of Cocoa Powder
• 1 Tsp Baking Soda
• 1/2 Tsp Salt
• 1 Cup Warm Water
• 1 Tsp Vanilla Extract
• 1/2 Cup Vegetable Oil
• 1 Tsp of Cider Vinegar

1. Preheat oven to Gas Mark 5.
2. Mix together all the wet ingredients.  Mix together all the dry ingredients.  Pour one into the other, and mix some more.
3. Bake for 30 minutes.  I found that they were still slightly gooey after this time, but they were fully cooked.

 While the cake is cooling, make the icing.

Ingredients

• 1/4 Cup of Non-Dairy Milk
• 1/4 Cup of Icing Sugar
• 1/4 Cup of Vegan Margarine (I used Vitalite).
• 3 Tablespoons of Plain Flour
• 1 Tsp Vanilla Extract

1. Mix the flour with the milk, and heat slowly.  As it reaches boiling point, it will thicken.  This will happen fairly quickly, so keep mixing to avoid lumps.  Take it off the heat, and let it cool.
2. Cream together the margarine and the sugar.  When the milk mixture is cool, mix it with the margarine and sugar, and add the vanilla.

You may have noticed that my icing is red, in the pictures.  I'll explain why later.

Sandwich the cake together with the icing, and make the glaze.

Ingredients

• 1/2 Cup Sugar
• 1/4 Cup Vegan Margarine
• 2 Tbs Non-Dairy Milk
• 2 Tbs Cocoa Powder
• 1 Tsp Vanilla Extract

1. Mix all of the ingredients except the vanilla, and slowly bring to a boil.  Stir rapidly for a minute, before reducing to a simmer, and continuing to stir for a further two minutes.
2. Take it off the heat, and keep stirring for five minutes.  Add the vanilla at this point.  The glaze will thicken as it cools.
3. Pour it on the cake!

Try to let it cool.  The glaze sets very nicely.

I'm also planning to use this glaze on my Midlands Mud Pie (oh, it'll be incredible!  Bourbon biscuit crust, chocolate ice cream centre, chocolate glaze on top!), and on profiteroles, with the icing serving as the whipped cream.  I also plan to use that icing on a trifle, if I ever get any more Agar Agar, to set the jelly properly.

While making this, I also made a tester of my birthday cake, and coated it with the red icing.

It tastes incredible, but I think I'm going to need to use marzipan, or something similar, rather than the soft icing.

As for why my birthday cake looks like this...well, my ribs look like this.

His name is Patrick.

As for the name of the cake, the Hot Mess...that came from Glee.

This episode, in fact.

I would, in fact, disagree with Santana's verdict here.  That is not a hot mess.  That's just hot.